My Very First Post (Since 2015!)

Friendly warning: I overshare quite a bit. It's a lengthy read. :) 

One of the first blogs I ever made :')

I, like many of my friends, started a blog way way waaaaaayyy back in the day. When I was a freshman in high school (2013, if my math is correct), I went through my first of many quarter-life crisises. If I remember correctly, one of my friends had started a lifestyle blog and I quietly followed suit. I thoght to myself, if nothing else, I could look back on my posts as if it was a journal of sorts. I had a ton of half-filled notebooks that I saved throughout the years, but a house fire in 2016 obliterated all of those. 

I'll spare the details just this once, but while in recovery from an eating disorder I stumbled upon blogs written by older women who had stories similar to mine, and were on the other side so to speak, holding their hands out for girls like me. I reached out to many of them, joined a small community of foodies and lifestyle bloggers. 

Running with Spoons was one of my favorites; I participated in What I Ate Wednesdays and Thinking Out Loud Thursdays, gaining some traction as I interacted with other bloggers' posts. I started an eating disorder recovery Instagram account around that same time, but I deleted it so long ago I can't even remember the name of it. 

Feeling like I was a part of a community of like-minded people, who were either in the boat with me or had long since reached shore, was like taking a breath of fresh air after being on the verge of drowning. I abandoned my first blog, Simply Janessa, after making one final post highlighting what I had learned after three years of self-reflection. Some of that time was spent in therapy, some was spent in remission, all served as seasons of tremendous growth. 

And here I am. I've reached the shore. I've even made a home on it.

I've come out on top, time and time again, against all odds. In the past few years, I quit dance after dedicating 16 years to it. I've had my heart broken. I've gotten married. I've had a baby. I've lost my dad. I've moved three times. I've seen my siblings suffer and be ostracized from our mother. I've slowly grown away from friends I thought would be around forever. I've experienced sleep paralysis and insomnia. I've injured my foot training for a 5k. I've suffered severe postpartum depression and anxiety. But I'm here. I'm staying. 

{Wow. Depressing.)

I'm glad to be back doing what I love. I'm excited to see where this next road takes us. I hope to shed some light on the realities of parenthood, navigating anxiery and depression, healing from past traumas, and finding true joy in it all. 

A little about me:

I was raised in a conservative Christian home...lots to unpack here, but not today.

I'm 23, a Cancer, and I have an almost 2-year-old. Lots to unpack here as well but that's kind of the whole point of this blog, so we can table this one as well.

I love crocheting. If yarn was free, I would simply never stop crocheting. 

I also love writing (go figure) and was lucky enough to be placed in an advanced English composition class my first year of college. I've truly always enjoyed writing. If the aforementioned house fire hadn't happened, my dad would still have his old computer that stored dozens of short stories and novellas I typed up over the years. I can't recall exactly how old I was, but for Christmas one year I got my first journal and my love of writing (and trauma dumping hahaha) was born.

I love baking. When I was in high school, I sold baked goods at my local farmer's market. Truly the highlight of every summer. I have a newfound love for cooking as well, and I find it quite theraputic. I sort of knew how to cook when I was in college, but I barely put it to practice. Just before getting married, I started learning how to cook actual meals. A late bloomer, but a happy one at that. 

I love watching other people do their hobbies. Whether it's pottery, sewing, cooking, biking, jump roping, painting, photography, cinematography, acting, I love it all.

I dabbled in acting for a very very short period. I talked my parents into enrolling me in acting classes, which were labeled as acting and modeling classes, which turned out to be one day of acting and the rest of the days being entirely modeling. Nothing came of that, but my sophomore year I took one class at the public high school in the hopes of joining the drama team. I ultimately didn't get cast that year, but the lovely woman who taught my theatre class took me under her wing and told me what potential I had. Nothing came of that either, unfortunately.

I use humor to get me through pain.

My two closest friends are my cousin from California, and my friend of 10+ years from 5 minutes away.

I've been living in a city for the first time in my life, for nearly a year now.

I take walks every single day with my daughter, if the weather permits.

I've been sober since mid-February-ish.

I was homeschooled.

I have no idea what I'm doing. 

I'm happy you're here. :)